Not Proposition 8

As I mentioned before, I had to convince Ryan to date me. He tells people sometimes that I tricked him into dating him, but then he tricked me into marrying him

Remember how I had doubts about marrying Ryan? We had been dating about five months when I realized we were pretty serious. Marriage became a part of our conversations, but I just wasn't SURE. I guess I expected a big sign from the Heavens, but Ryan was content with a general feeling of rightness. He told me he would wait until I was ready but not to expect any proposal until then. He wasn't about to propose to someone who might say no.

After meeting Ryan's parents I flew home to see my family for a couple of days. They teased me about getting married but I assured them that was nowhere in sight. Little did I know that Ryan's family was convincing him a few states away that he should just man up and propose already.

Keep in mind, that you know how this story ends. I didn't. Not even a little. This may have been the densest day of my life. So when Ryan picked me up at the airport and said we should go to Sundance, I just thought he was being sporadic. We had our first kiss there and had been back a couple of times just to soak up the romantic, mountainous atmosphere. Now, what really should've tipped me off was the fact that he was wearing his special black shirt. Or the vase with flowers on a little stool with a lit candle sitting to the side of the walkway.

Neither did. In fact I was very close to saying, "Hey look! I'll bet someone's going to propose!" when Ryan stopped walking right in front of the flowers. I almost told him that we better not stop in someone else's proposal spot. So did I realize he was proposing then?

No. He started saying the mushy kind of stuff I prefer not to blog about and my honest-to-goodness thought was, "Wow! He really missed me while I was gone! What a nice welcome back!" When he went down on one knee and pulled out a ring I peered in expecting to find a ring pop or something. There was just NO WAY he could possibly be proposing! He promised, right? I knew I hadn't told him I was ready, so what the heck was he thinking??

After a little period of silence I realized he had just proposed and was waiting for an answer. I had better think of something awfully quick. Brilliantly (not) I tried to stall. I told him I loved him too and even tried to distract him by kissing him. Alas, he noticed my avoidance and again asked for an answer.

I really did know that I loved him, and I didn't want to lose him. I knew that if I said no I probably couldn't change my mind. But if I said yes, I could just back out later. So I muffled something that sounded like, "Errmm.....yeah?" and he accepted it. He got the yes part and completely ignored the hesitation.

Later in the car I told him that I still had some praying and soul searching to do, but he was totally confident at that point. It didn't ever occur to him that I'd back out. And I'm glad for that. Because I didn't change my mind after all. The truth is, I may have never been "ready" enough and probably needed to be forced into decision. Did you know that 96.6% of the time I can't make up my mind at a restaurant until the waitress is staring me down after everyone else has ordered? That's what Ryan must've known I needed--somebody to force me into a decision.